SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Farewell to Hipster
Today we say goodbye to some old friends… My flannels… assorted thrift store denims… and several Ironic T-shirts. We’ve had a good run fellas… a real good run… but I’m pushing 30 years old and I can’t have people wondering if I’m a hipster or a vagrant anymore… They need to know I’m just a hipster…
Flannels… You guys were the best, keeping me warm and perfectly sloppy all at the same time.. you were in style… you were outta style… then back in again… and then no one was sure but we kept on wearing you because you are surprisingly comfortable yet functional.. I’m gonna miss looking like the Brawny Man’s gay son.
Assorted thrift store denims… Heck, we knew we were throwing the dice when we bought you! You smelled funny and everyone knows someone that developed a really bad rash because they didn’t wash you first… but when I was going through my Ryan Adams/Urban Cowboy phase… GODDAMIT! I didn’t know who I was but you didn’t care… you complimented my cowboy boots you didn’t make fun…
Ironic T-shirts…. where do I begin? I suppose I’m going to miss you the most… You were the stand by… the right or wrong… never say die… but when your arm pits started to yellow and harden… and the holes around the neck got too big to be cool… and then I wasn’t sure if the Billy Joel River of Dreams Tour shirts was Ironic anymore because I started actually loving the album so much… we have to say goodbye because I’m not sure who I am anymore..
You will be buried at a miscellaneous park in Brooklyn… because I’m not even sure which is the cool one anymore… I’ll see you on the other side.. in this life or the next..
*** A thousand condolences to Ironlace for sending in this picture. We’ve had a good life but we can’t keep living like this… Stay Alive & Keep on Douchin’ ***